What Are 90% of Self-Help Gurus Wrong About?

Let me ask you something, how many self-help books have you read in your lifetime?

And let me ask you this… how many times have you actually put everything (or even anything) you read about, into action?

Recently, I have been having an email conversation with someone who’s new to my newsletter. I’ll call him AJ.

AJ started out replying to the welcome email and first free training, and wrote me a list of 3 questions…

I responded openly to his questions, and asked what prompted him to ask those specific questions, what did he really want to know?

He replied, quite succinctly, and shared where he is right now and what he’s struggling with and trying to learn.

And then he asked a few more questions.

And I replied.

And he asked more questions…

We have had quite an interesting conversation all week, in fact!

One of his questions was this:

“I’ve listened to some of your interviews on various topics and I’m continuously amazed at your ability to retain information. It’s not fair! (I mean, good for you!)

How do you absorb and remember what you read — whether it’s a fiction or non-fiction book?
Do you take notes?
Do you have an amazing memory that is superior to us mere mortals?”

I replied:

“That’s actually a pretty complicated question to answer. My best estimate, based on what I know about brain science, is a combination of factors.

1. I utilize the learning style that works best for me. My referential system is auditory digital, and I absorb/retain more from reading than other mediums. So, if I’m learning from audio, video, or in a class, I take extensive notes so I will retain info from writing/reading.

2. I give my brain A LOT of information, all the time. It’s not that I remember EVERYTHING, I’m probably average (or maybe just slightly above average) when it comes to retention, however the massive amount that I consume means more info “sticks”.

3. I study many different subjects, and draw correlations between them. I’m a big fan of what I call Binge-Learning (BTW there are several definitions of that term). This causes the brain to create more synaptic connections. The more synapses there are, the more they get used, and the more they get used, the more information gets retained. 

4. Please note, that technically we all remember EVERYTHING, in that the memory gets encoded, however, if we don’t utilize that knowledge, then the synapses leading to it fall into disuse and gradually recede. So the data is still there, it simply becomes difficult to access. I tend to continually use the things I study, so that strengthens those synapses, and therefore I “remember”, i.e., can access, that data.

5. I’ve also studied a bit of NLP regarding memory. However, I can’t say I’ve fully utilized what is possible, yet 😉

TLDR; Throw a lot of info into your brain, then use it, haha!

PS: it definitely helps if you study things that you’re truly interested in 😉 “

And then he replied…

“Thank you for your thorough answer, Nadine. I appreciate that!

I especially agree with actually utilizing the knowledge. The familiar expression ‘knowledge is power’ doesn’t go far enough. ‘Applied knowledge is power.’”

So that’s what I want to talk about today.

Are you actually applying the knowledge from all those books in your library?

Or are you struggling, like I did (for years!) to put all the puzzle pieces together and come up with the best picture in your life?

Over the next few days, or maybe weeks, I’m going to share some of those puzzle pieces I’ve learned *AND applied* in my own life (because I’m not only The Naked Life Coach, I’m also a client – haha)

Even more importantly, I’m going to show you how I helped my clients apply those puzzle pieces and fill in the shape of *their* dream lives.

You see, every one of us has a dream life ideal… even if we’re not sure what it is or if it’s even possible…

It’s not up to me to define my clients’ dreams, i.e. to tell you what you should or shouldn’t want – although I can certainly help you get clarity on what your dreams actually are – more on that in a moment…

And that right there, IMO, is what most “gurus” are wrong about. They spell out a specific path to a specific life, and there’s no wiggle room, there’s no variety, there’s no SPICE!

In short, I think those “same same” homogenous goals and single method programs are pretty boring and predictable.

But to me, people and their *true* dreams are an adventure!

One of my clients, Lisa, asked me the other day, after I listened to her pain and helped her overcome it…

“How can you find this enjoyable? Just listening to myself, I’d find that unbearable to do with so many people!”

It set me back for a second. I really do get a lot of enjoyment from teaching what I teach, and doing what I do for my clients.

And, in that moment, I had an epiphany.

“I love reading,” I replied, “AND I’m an author. So, for me, it’s like the best of both worlds. I get to learn about all these different stories.

I get to know *your world* very intimately, and at the same time, I get to participate. I get to help you through the challenges, I get to be creative and problem solve or troubleshoot your life, to help you get the happy ending.

Think about it. Every great story, has a hero or protagonist, and they always have a struggle or conflict of some sort, and the author’s job is to help those characters achieve resolution.

And of course, all the best stories, the ones we love the most, they all have a happy ending.

So I really love helping you re-write, or edit, your story, and reach your happy ending!”


Sorry – I have to put that disclaimer in after using such an, unfortunately, loaded term. Let’s use an author term: HEA (happily ever after)

And that’s what it’s all about.

It’s not up to me to define your dreams, or diagnose your problems. That’s not what authors do…

The best authors put you down in the midst of a character’s life, and then they slowly reveal who that person is and what their struggles or conflicts are. Usually the characters themselves don’t know what their dreams are, or don’t think they are possible.

Sometimes, the hero/inne does know what they want, and they are going after it, but the story is about their struggles and overcoming them, on that path to their goal.

The author’s job is to resolve all those problems, and help their characters have success – to reach their HEA!

It’s up to me to help you *achieve* your dreams, YOUR HEA, even if you don’t know exactly what you need, or even if you have the most wildly outrageous dreams! (Those ARE the most fun kind, btw)

So often we bury our dreams. Or maybe they’re even buried for us, by mean-spirited, or even “well-meaning”, adults…

For example, in first grade, my teacher asked what we each wanted to be when we grew up.

I enthusiastically responded “ballerina!”

Guess what my teacher said?

“You would have had to start training at age 3 in order to become a ballerina. It’s too late for you to ever learn and be that.”

Such finality. Such fatalism! To tell a 6 year old! What a dream-thief!!!

Who have been the “dream thieves” in your life? Was it an adult who crushed them, purposely or accidentally, as a child? Has it been a family member, a friend, an acquaintance, a boss, a co-worker, or even a spouse???

It’s time to put all those nasty horrid dream thieves behind you, forever, and start truly living the life you came here to love! (Yes, I meant love, that is not a typo)

Funny story, I actually did go on to become a professional dancer (although not a ballerina) and danced in venues across the country.

I immensely enjoyed the experience, probably even more than ballet, given the freedom level of what I did as an independent performer compared to being in a dance company!

And that’s what I’m all about. The freedom to live life at the pace and manner *you* enjoy.

Want to go slow, and meander around smelling all the roses? I’m for it!

Want to live a fast-paced and high-style life! I’m for it!

Want to find the perfect person to share your life and build both your dreams together? I’m for it!

Want to find your ideal career path and really put yourself to best use? I’m for that too!

Maybe you simply want to achieve balance and harmony in your life, or mental & emotional wellbeing? I’m for it, again!

Dreams are unlimited. Therefore, coaching must be unlimited.

What I’ve found, from my studies since 1985, and my coaching work since 2010, is that there are essential life skills and self-knowledge, that we JUST AREN’T TAUGHT IN SCHOOL!

***If we’re super lucky, we might have had a parent or teacher who taught us some of these, but more likely than not, we got crushed by the dream thieves of the world rather than uplifted with true knowledge.***

Am I right, or am I right???

And those skills and self-knowledge, while they *do* take some work to acquire, are amazingly transformative, AND FAST!!!

Not only do I teach all these essential skills, I also help you apply them consistently to get results from the very first lesson.

And it’s way easier than you might think…

But hey, this has gotten to be a super long post (I could write a book. Oh wait, I have! haha) so I will write more tomorrow about why it’s easier than you imagine…

Much love,


PS: If you want my help to start building out your dream life immediately, get on a call with me. I’ll even give you a free sample of one of my “mind-hacks” just to prove how simple, fast, easy and effective, making a major life change can be!

About Nadine Sabulsky

Transformational Speaker, Coach, Author, Mom, Movie Star, Super-Heroine, Synergist, Karaoke Singer, Dancer, Serial Entrepreneur, Adventuress, Inventor, Designer, Goddess & More! Nadine Sabulsky is the Prima Imagina of SatoriaNation and Originator/Developer of Naked Life Coaching™