Just because I am sexually open, does not mean I am sexually available to you.
Just because I teach sex ed, does not mean I am obligated to tell anyone who asks what my sexual fantasies are.
Just because I practice nudity, doesn’t mean I am required to email you my nude photos.
Just because I am open-minded, doesn’t mean I am obliged to listen to your trash talk.
I use nudity as a means of promoting freedom, not only sexually but in all areas of life. Just because I believe in Individual Freedom & Responsibility, doesn’t mean I owe the world anything I don’t want to give.
To assume and insist otherwise is equivalent to attempted rape or theft.
In the fetish community, we have one widely understood rule. Ask politely. If the answer is “no”, then accept that answer; don’t take it personally, don’t persistently keep asking. Just say thanks, and go quietly away.
The ones who keep persisting despite being told “no” or “not interested”? We call them “creepers”. They don’t get invited to the good parties. They are avoided by all who have had interaction with them. They seem to be clueless about body language, and don’t respect other’s personal spaces.
It’s simple. Ask. Don’t Take it Personally. Respect the Answer You Receive. This is a pretty good rule for dealing with anyone in the “real world”, and in the online world as well.
Oh, and on the flip side – if you’re the one being asked – give a straightforward answer! It is ok to say NO. It’s ok to say “not interested.” It’s ok to say “maybe another time”. It’s ok to say “how about something different?”
Don’t laugh, blush, pretend you don’t know what they’re talking about, walk away like you didn’t hear the question, or any of the thousand ways we try to be “tactful” or “not hurt someone’s feelings.” If you truly don’t know what they’re asking (because let’s face it, people aren’t that great at asking straight-forward questions either), ask for clarification.
It’s ok to ask for more information. “So what are you asking/telling me?” or “what do you mean?” or even the slightly more rude-sounding, but really straight-forward, “what do you actually, really want?” ASK.
And then be ok with the answer.
We teach each other to lie when we act offended or hurt by honesty. Strive to understand, even if you don’t agree. Give your best to be honest and straightforward, even if it may offend. The other’s reaction is their choice. And yours is yours. Take ownership of yourself, and give others permission to do the same.
Honesty doesn’t have to be “brutal”. Search for the highest truth within yourself, and speak that. Speak your truth with love and compassion, not fear of reaction.
Revive the innocence of your childhood and communicate like a child, openly and honestly, about everything.